Yesterday I was tired. While I was sitting at the park attempting to bask in the sun and just relax I had a deep thought which may or may not have been prompted by my kids wanting my attention every three seconds. "Maybe my kids would be less whiny if I played with them less". It seems counterintuitive I know, but am I doing them a disservice by feeling guilty if I'm not playing with them. Anna has started saying, "If you don't play with me I'll cry!" The worst possible threat in her little world. No one can stand to see the princess unhappy:) This is of course going through my mind while Anna is pulling me over to "order" food from her, and Josh is yelling at me to watch him perform various amazing feats, and while they are ignoring their four other friends who are at the park with them. I decided to check with the other two moms who were there as well, because honestly all three of us are the type of Mom who play with their kids quite a bit. One told me about her friend who told her that you just have to train them from day 1, "go play," then there aren't any expectations. And her friends kids all play together really well. She said she has determined that for her, there has to be a happy medium. Those three thoughts took about ten minutes to convey as we were both pulled off by our kids several times.
As I've thought about this more I have realized a couple of things.
1.) I feel extremely guilty if I tell my kids I'm busy and can't play. Guilt gets to me easily.
2.) There is probably nothing wrong with telling them, when we're with friends, you play with your friends and I will talk to my friends. I'm pretty sure that they won't be emotionally traumatized forever if I do that - although you can never be certain,
3.) It may help them to be more independent and confident if I let them fend for themselves a little bit more.
4.) I really like playing with my kids and don't want to miss out on the memories myself. It will be something to hang on to and enjoy when they're big. I find myself occasionally interrupting them when they are playing happily without me because I don't want to miss out, and I want them to think I'm fun:) (I obviously worry way too much about what other people think)
I was thinking all these things after dinner while my kids happily played with each other with no need for help or outside stimulation from anyone else for a solid hour:)
Maybe I'm doing OK after all. Or maybe, as with so many things in motherhood it's a need that changes from day to day and must be a matter of prayer and personal revelation.
2 comments:
I've always admired the way you play with your kids Nicole. I, on the other hand, haven't really played with my kids much before this past year and didn't feel very motivated to do so. I think of you often as I've been learning how to do this. But I do agree with you, it's important to find a balance. It can be exhausting and kind of take over ;)
You are my example too and I have been trying to be better. I need to be a lot better. I just love looking out my kitchen window while I am making dinner and seeing them outside playing together and I don't have to be out there digging in the dirt with them. I'm still a long ways from the happy medium.
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