Last week, Thursday and Friday especially, my Josh was AWFUL! He kept throwing tantrums, antagonizing his sister, refusing when I asked him to do his chores, these words just can't seem to describe the Spirit that was in our home. There were slamming doors, desperate prayers while locked in the bathroom that I wouldn't hit my children (because Anna was of course copying her big brother), when Justin got home I took a ten minute break in my room by myself. When it started all over again on Friday I decided to use my babysitting swap time to go to the temple instead of Costco as I had planned. Going to the temple definitely put me back in the eternal perspective as I prayed to understand why my son was acting this way. I can't say that immediate inspiration came, but things did start to get better. I remembered a talk that Kayce Mammen had given on mother's day a couple of years ago. She mentioned that Axel had been acting up and she couldn't figure out what to do then through prayer realized that she had changed, not him. So I started trying to figure out if I was acting differently. On Saturday Justin and I both made an effort to really play with him. (Josh and I went outside and tried to shoot baskets for a solid half hour which made his Daddy so proud, that's a long time for a four year old when you're not successful every time.) Then one day as I was putting him to bed I listened to myself. I was telling him to please lie down right now and get himself under the covers so we could sing a song, in a kind of sharp voice. I was rocking Anna. That sentence gave me pause. I finished singing to Anna, then got up and instead of being sharp lovingly tucked the covers around him and gave him a kiss, he beamed. The next day he did his jobs as a "surprise!" with no help or complaining. Then I let him skip quiet time Monday and Tuesday and stay awake and help me. On Monday I was doing the dishes while he was playing when he says, "I really like playing with you Mom. I miss playing with ya." Straight to the heart! Had I really not been playing with him? I immediately stopped the dishes and said well lets play right now. "Really right now!" We spent the next half hour building pirate ships and monsters.
Later when he started to cry in his high pitched screaming I just want some attention I'm not really hurt voice. Instead of telling him to be tough because I knew he wasn't really hurt I went over and loved him for a minute.
Things have been awesome ever since, well you know for a day now.
Had I changed that much? Was I expecting that much of my little boy? I do make an effort to spend some time each day just playing with my kids, but I guess some of the things that I consider playing aren't necessarily things they consider playing, like taking them to the park.... Apparently he wants me to play light sabers and heroes and blocks with him on a more regular basis - I really really hate playing light sabers and heroes.....
I'm so grateful for the eternal perspective that came to me, the refocusing on the little things, savoring the moments when my little boy is four, and the gradual inspiration from a loving God. These years are so precious, they soak up so much and I just want to make sure it's the right things that they are soaking up....Being a Mom can sometimes be so scary.
On a lighter note, since we started reading the scriptures at breakfast instead of bedtime we have been much more consistent (I am so much more of a breakfast than a bedtime person) Yesterday we were reading about when Nephi got tied to the boat and his wrists got swollen from the ropes. That is all Josh got out of it, the new word swollen, he was fascinated and all day he kept telling me his ankle was swollen, but I wasn't allowed to look at it (probably because I would tell him it really wasn't swollen:) Funny little boy.
4 comments:
I love you for saying that you hate playing light sabers and heroes... those are the things I struggle with, too. ;)
You are such a good example to me. I love how you pray to invite the Spirit in your home when things get hard. I loved this post - thanks for writing it. It's very inspiring!
You are such a good mom Nicole, so patient. I remember figuring out that my kids liked it when I just followed their lead and played with them for a chunk of time, with us it usually involved creating some kind of project. It's a lesson that I struggle to remember though, slowing down and taking time to play isn't always at the top of my list, but when my kids act up it's almost always after it's been awhile since I've done that with them. I so appreciate your sharing this story.
I almost locked myself in a room away from mine today. How can my anger get the best of me, when deep down I love her so much? What she really wanted was a mom to pay attention to her, not one who got more and more exasperated learning how much dentists over charge! Glad you figured out Josh. I should try the same with Z.
So insightful. My friend, my boy isn't even 4 yet, and already, I'm worried for the day when he will be. The day when I'm pushed in my motherhood. I think the whole experience of being a mother makes you feel your mortality all the more keenly. Thank heaven for prayer! Thank you for sharing! Love ya!
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