So I wrote this blog post in my head on a run which my sweet husband strongly encouraged me to take because I was completely losing it.
This is how my thoughts went:
Justin comes home today, looks around the house and asks, "Rough day?" and gives me a big hug.
My reaction, in my head, "What's that supposed to mean? The house is clean dang it (more forceful words were used in my head)" I look around and say, "The house is clean there are only a couple of baby toys on the floor". I was purposefully and willfully ignoring the vase of flowers that had spilled all over the floor and the huge roll of butcher paper I'd used for school earlier. And the kitchen doesn't count, it never counts - it's hidden.
Justin -"umm OK". Then he takes care of my two kids while I get dinner on the table.
Then he takes Josh to the grocery store to pick out treats for the camp out tomorrow, and offers to take the midnight feeding so I can sleep and feed Anna by myself while he takes Josh to the store. He gets home and asks to sit down for a minute, to which I reply, "Can you get Josh in bed first and I'll finish cleaning up." (I have been moody and close to tears pretty much the whole time) I'm a brat I know. When he came out I did present him with a peanut butter bar and a glass of milk in my defense. Josh refuses to go to bed - Justin suggested that maybe we put him down too early. Anna wakes up - she has a nasty habit of doing that an hour after she goes to bed. The blanket was over her face - Justin shows me how to wrap her so that doesn't happen.
To which I reply, "If you criticize one more thing I do today I'm going to completely lose it!" Justin looks a little dumbfounded.
Josh starts screaming again - I go in and start crying and just beg him to go to sleep. Josh gets concerned that I'm crying and asks for his Daddy.
I leave for my run and instantly repent of my attitude. I count my many many blessings and decide the Christlike thing to do when I get home is to tell Justin how much I love him and cheerfully finish cleaning the house. However, when I get home, Justin is holding a wide awake, laughing Anna on the couch. All my good intentions leave and I want to cry again. So now I'm just debating whether or not to take a shower before I fall into bed.
I know I said I've never been happier and it's true, but these last couple of weeks have been sooo soo hard. I'm lucky to get out of the house for an hour or so in the morning (we did go to Disneyland yesterday, but that's different than trying to run errands etc), and afternoons are usually gone before I can get it together. Anna has been sleeping really bad at night which is annoying since I feel like I spend my whole life trying to make sure she's in a good environment for sleep - and she never sleeps for more than 40 minutes to an hour at a time during the day - which makes my own napping impossible! And yes I have tried keeping her up longer/shorter you name it. By the time I fall asleep she's awake again. I can get her to go back to sleep if my cute Josh isn't awake talking to me... anyways, I'm done venting. Please leave comments and tell me I'm normal and you've been through this before. And for those who don't have kids, sorry for what is probably an incredibly boring post.
PS Yes Anna was sleeping from 7:30-4 at 3 months
PPS As I sometimes tell Justin this is not the time to offer solutions just to empathize:)
10 comments:
You know I totally feel your pain! Look on the bright side...you are doing fantastically on your goal of posting more on the blog! And you have always been my mom hero...you do such fun things with Josh and still seem to get lots of other stuff done. Call me whenever you want and hang in there.
I can totally relate! You are SO not alone! I have snapped at Mike on more than one occasion, for similar comments. Comments that he probably didn't mean a thing by, but sounded critical/like he knew everything. :) You are seriously amazing... Josh and Grace are almost the same age, and there are a lot of days when she has me in tears. AND you have a baby! And are running on no sleep! You're doing great. Really.
Think about it-you went to Disneyland yesterday :-) I didn't get to go there until I was 14 :-) Lack of sleep makes it impossible to cope with even the slightest mishap-stupid lack of sleep!
Nicole...just hang in there. ALL of us have bad days...and it takes time for our sweet hubbies to realize we want some "I'm sorry, honey" and not solutions.
I completely and utterly understand! Enough said.
Oh, and I just watched Bride Wars tonight and thought of you! Not because of the crazy-girls-fighting stuff, but because of the friends-that-you-love stuff. I hope you have a great weekend!
hi colie that sounds pretty funny. hope you are feeling better. oh yea i almost forgot to ask you if i could come the last week of june. i will call you soon
The whole sleep thing is sooo frustrating! I was a wreck until my kids were sleeping better... just hang in there!
Totally understand. I just cried to Casey yesterday. Lack of sleep is a huge factor. But being a mom is super hard and you are doing great. Take it one day at a time!
We should hang out more. Sounds like a day at my house. :)
Sounds like Anna's a little Sarah. I always knew inside that I couldn't have dealt with her sleeping habits if I'd had another kid, so you're a superhero to me!
p.s. Can't wait to see you guys!
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