Remembering - Realizations - Expectations

So whenever I write something like that I always immediately feel incredibly guilty. I know that my life is wonderful, that I have nothing to complain about etc etc. The trouble is often matching my knowledge with my emotions and my actions. And I also always feel incredibly embarrassed as I can see people thinking - she's got nothing to complain about, and I don't want people to think I'm a negative person. But I don't want to delete the post either, because it wasn't a snap second thing - but it does make me want to post again quickly so the whole thought process is evident. Writing things down does help me to snap out of it as well - however, maybe I should write in my journal more frequently rather than my blog:)

So I felt awful about the way things ended last night, but not to worry I got my chance to make amends as both kids ended up in bed with me:) - Normally this drives me crazy, but I just enjoyed cuddling there little bodies and hearing, "I love you so much!" As I was thinking about things I realized I just had to change my attitude a little, I already knew that, but I finally felt like I could accomplish it today by... adjusting my expectations downwards. I know that sounds kind of funny, but we had a great morning so far....

I didn't shower yet...
We picked up the house but didn't put the sheets on the bed or put away the laundry

we played games

watched a movie during anna's lap

re- instituted listening to music and dancing around during our morning jobs - don't know why I haven't done that this week....

spent a couple of hours at the park on a beautiful day with friends

got some wonderful Josh quotes

Josh: "Mom, old mens are fat!" - said while our downstairs neighbor aka an old man was exiting the elevator.

me: "hmmm are all old men fat? what about papa?"

Josh: "Yup they're all fat, but not Papa. Papa's not fat, but he's not old either, silly!"

Pretty sure that will make Papa's day:)

And discovered some more of Anna's talents: holding to forks in her mouth at the same time and making them wiggle for example...

Enjoying the music during morning jobs

Realizations:

I think I just needed a few deep breathes and knocking some stuff off of my to do list - and learn to deal a little better with mess. I love being with my kids and I haven't played with them as much as I want to this week.

I need to find some time to work on the things I love... family history, scrap booking, playing the piano. Not much, but I need a little. I always hated the phrase me time since it seems to be the anti-thesis of what I'm trying to become - unselfish, charitable, christlike etc. but I have to say it, I need a little bit of it. Which will be tricky - it's hard to stop feeling guilty that Justin spends every second trying to build our business - but honestly if I try to do that I'm just not as happy, which makes him not as happy.... so there's my rationalization - need to find some me time.... alone....

Prayer - I'm am fairly good at reading my scriptures and praying on a daily basis - but sometimes it's so hard to find the time to not just go through the motions but to dig deeper - so it actually makes a difference. I've also found on days where I'm struggling if I take the time to really breathe and pray in the middle of the day I can snap out of it and have a good day. Just as a side note, does anyone have any ideas for making family prayer more meaningful? - kids are so antsy it's so tempting just to do it as quickly as possible - but I want them to learn...

I love my life, the knowledge that I have, the purpose that I feel. Iremember why I'm here and why my life is what it is. I want to teach my children truth and I want them to be strong and righteous. Remembering that as one of my primary objectives I hope will help me with my priorities and attitude. Hopefully I'll be able to hang on to it and be a positive upliftment to those around me instead of a negative.....