This is primarily for journaling purposes - so feel free to stop reading....
I was reading this post: http://www.mormonwomen.com/2010/03/09/keeping-a-seat-at-the-table/ - sorry I don't know how to do the cool hyperlink, maybe someone will teach me.... at mormenwomen.com.
To summarize: A career woman who got married at 30 has four kids and is still trying to keep her toe in the water of her field. She says that mothering isn't "instinctive" for her and has to make an effort to do things like get down and play with her kids, but that she finds great joy when she does. She believes that we as women and moms need to make sure that we stay at least a little bit current in our field to be prepared in case of divorce, death, or just a desire to work when the season comes again in our lives.
It was meant to be an inspiring article, but instead I felt totally stressed out.... thinking. "blast one more thing I have to do". Because she's right, I do want to be able to take care of my kids, and take care of them well should I ever need to. She talks about how she's let some housework go to make time for her career orientated activities. Here's the thing.... I hate letting housework go, I know that my house isn't always, or ever totally clean, but I really like it to be and make an effort to do it - I was actually at the temple the other day and had some inspiration as to how to make my house more of a house of order - or at least run more efficiently so that I have more time for the other things I love - but that's another post... Also mothering is fairly instinctive for me. I love my kids and I love to play with them approximately 93.7% of the time - I feel like any extra time I have should be helping Justin get his business going - but then I think, great so all my skills will be in something I don't really enjoy.....
My options.... work on my masters now - the thought makes me want to cry, I don't want to miss any part of my kids lives and I just really don't see how I could do it.
Then it occurred to me - I have a bachelor's, I am marketable, I love to read, I'll just make sure that I read several articles a month on the current research in my field. It's OK that I just really want to focus on my kids....I think... right? I felt so much better.... kind of..
Isn't it amazing the cycle of emotions one statement/article can evoke in a woman? It's good to re-evaluate sometimes, but why do we - or at least I - let other people's ideas of what is good and right affect me so much?
It even had me evaluating whether or not I'm living in a bubble - if I could hold an intelligent conversation with someone like her. I like to think I know what's going on in the world I read the paper - or at least the front page and the ask amy section...
Anyways, here's to being aware of who we are and what we want... sometimes....
6 comments:
Stuff like this is interesting. I think you need to keep in mind your goals, but at different times you can have different priorities. I have thought about this and have decided not to completely stress out about preparing for the worst case senario--but knowing what I would have to do if it did. (going back to school/work). Don't force it (if the thought of going back to school right now makes you want to cry--then it isn't the right time). You will come to a point where going back to school sounds exciting and you will be motivated to pursue it and do well (for me it was once Rachel was in school full-time). in the mean time, helping Justin with the business keeps your critical thinking skills in tact, and reading articles in your field sounds like a great way to keep in touch with your field, or explore other fields you might find interesting.
one more thing--an epiphany I just had :) If something were to happen and you found yourself a single parent-you would be working a lot and your mom time would suffer--so i think spending as much time with your kids now as you can (especially since you enjoy it, and are able to) is like stocking up on food storage to last you through a difficult time. So look at you!!--Being all prepared! lol
I love the epiphany - I am so on top of things!
I have just written and re-written this post a few times. Instead of tring to write how I feel about the subject, I'm just going to give you the link (sort of) to my favorite talk of all time. Sister Beck gave it at the Relief Society General Session a few years ago. It's called "Mothers Who Know" http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-775-27,00.html
I especially love the idea that "mothers who know do less." We can't do everything and have everything at once. You got an education at the right time of your life, now you can focus on being the best mom you can be during this time of your life.
So Jesse just got home and I was talking to him about the article, and he phrased how I feel perfectly. "Why keep a toe in the water when you can keep both feet in the home?" Being a mother is such an awesome responsibility. There is nothing wrong with fully committing to it and trusting in the Lord to guide you in what you need to do.
Your post made me giggle a little- the way you stress out about things reminds me of me too. It's all important, it's also hard to do everything. And I think having a clean home is important too- not that I"ll ever be someone whose house is gleaming, but I've also been feeling prompted to make efforts to keep it neat. And these years when our kids are small are so amazing! I've been feeling a lot lately like they're so easy to teach right now, and setting a good foundation and good habits in them are going to be a million times easier now then later (note: I didn't say easy, just easIER) which is where I want to be investing my time, even in a worse case scenario if possible. Good things to be thinking about though...
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