Acck - so I haven't followed through with my promise of updates for a very good reason. I realized that Justin had the laptop with all the pictures on it at Scout Camp with him. So I promise I will follow through on that thought this week. Thinking of all the things that I want to blog about and never quite do such as:
Beach vacation
Adam's visit
Everyday things so that this blog can really become my scrapbook
Aubree's wedding
Importance of family's in general
Random things about myself
the temple
Thoughts on the future - seriously where will we be a year from now???
The hilarious things my kids do - such as Josh announcing he has hair on his chest and is now big like Daddy
Anna crawling - and her sunshiny personality
How much I love Los Angeles
How much I love my friends - even the long distance ones that I never call back because the only time I can talk without carrying on a conversation with Josh is when he's asleep and well... i usually fall asleep too - so know that you're loved
etc etc
Really it's quite a long list. Anyways, it got my thinking about my list of what I want to be. I'm a total list person. I seriously make lists in my journal of how I want to change and make lists everyday of what I want to do - it just gives me the illusion of being more together.
So here's my list of what I want to be:
seamstress
quilter
family historian
awesome mom
cook
volunteer
literacy activist
political activist - or at least know what's going on in more detail
missionary
international development person (my first major)
pianist - first goal is to learn all the hymns in the hymn book - one month later - still on hymn one.
speech pathologist
scriptorian - or at least study my scriptures more deeply - ok I want to be a spiritual giant why think small
anti-child prostitution activist
athlete
Student -Go back to school and get my masters - maybe several masters I seriously love school
world traveler
Totally involved YW leader whose girls cry when she gets released and activates at least 10 inactive girls
Linguist - I would love to be able to speak Arabic and Spanish
Hot Sexy Fun Wife - I think the athlete part might come into play a little more here
Amazing conversationalist
Great Blogger - People dying to read my blog, find it humerous, original and enchanting:) and leave me hundreds of comments
Financial Guru - or at least have a better understanding of the market
I'm sure this list will grow and change with time. I get really excited even just looking at it - thinking of everything I could do with my life. But how do you choose what to work on? How do you balance everything? any thoughts? Use nap times, early mornings, late nights? - the truth is I love sleep and I'm not so good at giving it up - and I've been working for Justin's company as well to try and get his dream off the ground.
I've actually been looking at the speech pathologist thing in more depth again lately. I revisit this question every 9 months or so. I quite my masters not only because Justin was getting a job in California but because I wasn't enjoying therapy. I absolutely love the subject matter though, I find it completely fascinating. Justin and I were talking about it recently and he pointed out that I've become a lot more confident and outgoing in recent years and a huge part of my dislike for therapy was the stressing over doing it right and the fact that my teacher and the parents were watching me. - so my guess is I'll finish it up eventually. I recently had a good friend mention that it's really easy to work very part time for the state in California and I've been looking into that as well. Somehow, I've been feeling lately that I should be more than "just a Mom". Although I feel like it's more what I feel like others expect of me more than it's what I really want for me at this time in my life. Do you ever hear yourself saying, "I stay home with my kids... but I do ____ too" when someone asks what you do? And while I do think that you need to take care of yourself as a person and maintain your own interests and goals if for no other reason than you'll drive your kids completely crazy if you can't let them go my testimony has really grown lately that being "just a Mom" and a wife is the most important thing so...
Here's the truth of the matter when I think of the time commitment that at least that goal would involve - I don't want to do it because honestly doing Project 365 has made me more sappy than usual and I don't want to miss a single minute of my kids growing up. So my conclusion is that life is exciting and wonderful and there is a season for everything - although we definitely shouldn't get lazy or let opportunities slide by - as with all things it's a matter of prayer. So as cheesy as it sounds, right now I'm pretty much living my dream.....
4 comments:
So true. I too feel like I want to be more than just a mom--and I am remembering how much we are alike with all of our lists. I think we will all reach a point where we realize we can pursue more education/a job without it being anything negative for our husband/kids. Once kids are in school helps, but taking classes part-time or working part-time before then would work too. Can't wait to hear what you choose. :-) Miss you!
I keep trying to do things/projects lately and just can't get anything accomplished with the boys and housework etc. I finally realized that during the day my job is to be their mom...that's pretty much all there is time to do. Evenings give me time to do 'my' things but for me I think serious projects and 'me' goals are going to have to wait a few years...and I think I am finally starting to be ok with that. Just in case you wanted my input :)
I laughed when I read through your list Nicole, I do the same things and I find they're kind of impossible! My cousin did a great post about finding the balance when she decided to quit her super part-time job that she loved right after her 3rd baby was born. She said "the more I thought about it, the more it seemed that trying to juggle nursing and caring for my baby and childcare and Blake starting kindergarten would quickly make work that had been restorative into a frustration, with a big helping of guilt." It's hard to know where the lines are between restorative, energizing work that we need and demanding frustration, that drains us so I think it's important to keep questioning and being open to new experiences. Just like you're doing.(!)
Like Amber said. So true. That's also a great list. I think we may be more a like than I thought. Great insights and thoughts...
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